Easter Sunday

He is real He is real He is real.


I cannot deny that truth. Despite the many times I've denied Him. The cock can crow all it wants to remind me how many times I've denied Him.

But I'll always know He is real.

You cannot walk away so easily once God has stamped Himself upon your heart. (I've tried.)

i find myself sitting idly by my laptop

i've been here for hours it seems. as if waiting for someone or something to grab me from my boredom and suck me in and let me escape for a while.

screw this, this is me getting up and shutting down the cyber-world for the night. come find me in the real world.

okay yeah, it was a rebound

You. Are:

A slurred drunken mess of promises you did not

Mean to keep;

Time and perspective translate once-believed heart-share

To whateverthefuck.you.needed.tosay.

Anything.youcouldsay.to get

Into my pants.

My rebound-muddled mind left me heady with feeling that I

was inlove

again

And that you

were inlove 

again

too.

Seeing you so out of breathe outside my door in the rain

After you had traversed the tumultuous terrain of Bellwoods Park, ditching some lame party and your good friends

to come

see me.

I thought it was your heart pumping out ahead of your chest that led a hero

to my breasts

When really it was probably your pulsing.erect.Ego 

that pointed the way back. 

I was a fool.

I see that now.

Why did we pretend so badly that it could have been love?

When truth is, we both just wanted so badly 

A body

to be warm with.

3am at the border

There is something beautiful about connecting with a stranger at 3 in the morning. I felt happily lucky to be one of those passengers on a long bus ride that actually enjoyed the stranger sitting next to them. First names were exchanged and no last names were exchanged. I didn’t know how to get to that point nor was I sure what I would have wanted to do with it. Partly too was I was a little scared to make him a friend in the future because I wasn’t sure if future moments with each other would be just as spontaneously good. Pursuing a friendship would feel a little too real and too much like work and frankly, I didn’t have a taste for work at 3 in the morning. Is that silly? Maybe. But I guess I’m being honest.

Our night ended with long-held gazes and smiles that probably meant we enjoyed each other’s company. He said my name again as he said good-bye, slowly getting up out of his seat, and there was a pause where we weren’t too sure if we should leave each other at that or actually take each other up on this little 3am connection. But I didn’t say anything and I returned his goodbye and “it was nice to meet you” with another smile and I let him get off to his stop.

I could have risen up out of my seat to join him at the station for a while longer as my bus was going to sit idle for the next 30 minutes. I’m sure we would have enjoyed more laughs if I did leave with him. But I didn’t get up and I stayed. And I was fine with it. I was fine with not having to chase after someone or hold on to something good when I find it (like I usually am in the habit to do). It may have been worth the chase, I’m sure, but I happily didn’t care to know. :)